"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff
and building your wings on the way down."

- Ray Bradbury

Saturday, January 29, 2005
it's 1+ in the morn n i just had the urge to blog. haha mayb cos i havent really been updating v frequently dis days. anw i stood in for a fren's fren 2day at a white tent outside far east selling bags n watches from 11am to 10+pm for 60bux. got my sis to come along so i wldnt b bored n split the money with her. bought a watch each too. q nice cos the straps r made of shells :) will b there on monday too cos i took leave from my work at CPF to do it. haha it's seriously more enjoyable meeting different ppl than getting headaches from sorting forms.

while i had many v nice customers, i also had 1 v difficult customer who bargained so unreasonably dat i really wanted to tell her dat i din wan to do her business but i just tried my best to b nice n accepted her offer only cos i wanted her to go away. luckily i kept the watch i bought cos she wanted dat one too! no way was i going to sell it to her of all ppl. it's too nice for her alr :D haha

got a really nice surprise visit by a vvv special sumbody! :) :) :) (decided i will not mention names just in case it's not a v gd idea to do so) hey dear, din expect u to drop by but it reallyreally made me v happy. love u! haha :P ry, dun b jealous. hahaha i'm v happy u came too! tho u said u hate me, i noe u mean the opposite lah. i hate u too. :D anw i'm going kallang for a run tmr with my sis. havent been there for q some time. dun wan to go back to canoe anymore.. or at least, not to train lah. just wan to row leisurely n enjoy canoeing instead of whacking all out lyk during the training days in the past..

oh. just realised 29th jan is sum1's bday. he din msg me happy bday so i guess it's alright if i kinda 4got abt his bday yah? anw we'r not on talking terms anymore so all the more it doesnt matter -shrugs- but just in case YOU c dis, Happy belated 19th Birthday! it's time to grow up n move on if u still havent cos apparently u'r still ignoring mr LKP. hope u can just 4get abt everything n let things go back to the way it was when i 1st joined the team. yah

Friday, January 28, 2005

was in a super bad mood dis morn n really felt so irritated at everybody who talked to me. just had dis horrible urge to shout at sumbody n almost raised my voice at my dad. but i din n hope i will nv do such a thing again cos everytime i do dat, i will just feel so guilty..

heard a letter read on the radio by the DJ abt a girl who hated her mum n nv tried to understand her mum who was mentally not v sound. her mum committed suicide n died. so she really regrets not caring enuf for her mother but it's alr too late.

i cldnt help wondering "wad if such a thing happened to me? wad if i shouted at somebody i love n suddenly the person is gone?" i wld nv get the chance to say i'm sorry n make up to the person for saying nasty things no matter wad had provoked me to say those things. i think i havent been a v nice person to some pple, esp during the yrs in ny. was just so hateful of the place dat i cldnt bring myself to b nice (or even pretend to b nice) to any1 i dislyked. nv lyked the idea of myself being hypocritical n pretentious anw.

zihao told me the other day when we met up dat he thinks i'v changed alot since the 1st 3mths in pj cos he felt dat i'v become a more optimistic n happy person. i think it's true too.. :) i dun rem how i used to sound when i was still the old me tho i rem thinking to myself "i'm such a pessimistic person but i cant help it. life sux. i hope i die soon." sumtimes i still wish i'll die young cos i think when we grow older n c more of the world arnd us, it just makes us sad n oppressed human beings who just wake up, go to work, come home, slp, wake up, go to work, come home, slp,.. dat's not the life i wan to live but i guess dat's the sad truth yah?

i may have changed my mindset abt certain things but i think i still have to learn to b a better person. i love the pple arnd me but i kinda have trouble expressing it so dat's q sad. n i'm really secretly afraid to lose my closest frens n family tho i wun really wan to admit it. sumtimes i hear the traffic news on the radio abt motorcycle accidents n will get q paranoid cos my dad rides one. n when the location of the accident is reported sumwhere where i noe my dad isnt at, i'll just b relieved n thankful cos it means he's safe tho it also means dat sum1 else out there has lost a loved one. life is q sad when i think abt it dat way. but den again, everybody dies someday..

Thursday, January 27, 2005

y is every1 pissing me off? stupid. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

i hate going to work! i hope i get my contract terminated soon :( i'v just a lowly temp staff who's been temporary enuf. i wan to stop working..... :(

Monday, January 24, 2005

argh i hate my com. 4got wad i was typing just now. only rem i was trying to say dat i'm really v happy. working is so boring n tiring but there's always sth for me to smile to myself abt.. haha of cos, i'm not talking abt all the mountains of CPF application forms, IBG rejects, cheques, bank letters, demand drafts, WI, WC, daily supps, listing, n wadeva there is dat i dunno yet n dun ever wish to noe in dis life or the next. bleahs.. haha i dunno wad i'm saying anymore. nvm :)

i'm a girl. i'm a happy girl. i'm a very happy girl. i'm a veryvery happy girl. i'm a veryveryvery happy girl.. (yah u get my idea) :D

Friday, January 14, 2005

hao3 xing4 fu2! hahaha :D

Christine
Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said
goodbye.
Remember me
once in a while -
please promise me
you'll try.

When you find
that, once
again, you long
to take your heart back
and be free -
if you
ever find
a moment,
spare a thought
for me ...

We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea -
but if
you can still
remember,
stop and think
of me ...

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been ...

Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.

Imagine me,
trying too hard
to put you
from my mind.

Recall those days,
look back
on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do -
there will
never be
a day, when
I won't think
of you ...

Raoul
Can it be?
Can it be Christine?

What a change!
You're really
not a bit
the gawkish girl
that once you were ...

She may
not remember
me, but
I remember
her ...

Christine
We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea -
but please
promise me
that sometimes
you will think
ah-ah-ah-ah-aaah-of me!

-Sarah Brightman
Phantom Of The Opera
Think Of Me

11.jan.86
saps.nygh.njc.ntu
nj canoeist

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go the distance

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